So If you want to be my personal Jesus then go right ahead.
I’m happy but couldn’t be less satisfied. Does that make any sense? I doubt everyone will understand. I make the choices I make for a complex set of reasons I share with no one. What you care about I simply don’t. The things that put a smile on your face bore me. The things society says I should need are things that I simply reject. I don’t consider myself to be weird or someone who is trying to buck the system or even draw attention to myself. Sometimes you just have to make up your own rules
I will have what I want. I will get that which is deserved to be it good or bad. Until then, like most of you, my patience will wear thin as I sit patiently waiting. Little does anyone know that I don’t have an ounce of patience in my bones? That’s why I struggle with satisfaction. It is also what drives me to toss “important” things to the side in pursuit of what I want.
LIke the song goes “my give a damn busted”. I have no time or energy to compromise anymore. Time changes things and time has changed me. I don’t crave approval like I used to. I don’t give a shit about what you think I should want or need or do. I just don’t care because nine times out of ten those things lead down a road I’m not traveling. I haven’t been on that path in years. I’ve made too many mistakes to not have learned that doing for doing’s sake is a fool’s errand. I see others all around me running on the wheel like a hampster and decide to take a rain check.
So If you want to be my personal Jesus then go right ahead. I won’t stop you. Part of me might even be flattered that you care. Just don’t be surprised when I don’t play along because I’ve already been talking to Jesus all my life and he’s been telling me everything is going to be alright.
start swing away at that which hold you back. Stop settling
You are a fighter. You have the scars to prove it. Some people have suffered through things because they were too afraid or weak to take a stand. You have proven before that you are not one of those people.
Yet here we are. Sitting here while you cower on the sideline. You’re afraid of something. The silence is deafening. You ignore it or you change the subject. You certainly don’t talk about it. You aren’t happy and you can feel it. Others can see it.
You are holding your self back. Your fear of change is just going to keep you and those around you from moving forward. Maybe you feel loyal or you don’t want to hurt anyone. That isn’t a bad thing but it’s also not helping anyone. It doesn’t get easier. leaving a job, lover or friend behind isn’t always easy but sometimes it’s certainly necessary.
The buildup of resentment will lead to rough waters and if you think that will be fun or easy than I have a bridge to sell you. Decisiveness is needed in times like this. Times when most people waffle back and forth with inaction you will be better by your actions.
Things are just things and you can always get more. Stuff comes and goes like anything else. Those who have your back don’t care about your choice as long as it’s best for you. They don’t know your situation and they don’t have to walk in your shoes. Only you know what you need to do. So do it already.
Tonight I saw art imitate life.
Tonight I saw weakness.
Tonight I saw a limit and the lack thereof.
Tonight I saw sadness.
Tonight I saw disguised rage.
Tonight I saw broken.
Tonight I saw love and tonight I saw strength.
Tonight I saw and It was painful and beautiful and sad. I saw how high is high and how low is low. I saw how a thing could be and I saw how a thing is. It may not have been the first time and god willing it won’t be the last. It may, however, be one of only a handful of times I will have seen, heard and felt something artificial feel so real.